The rain came

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I ran out to the clothesline to rescue the dry clothes from the fast moving storm.  My hands moved clumsily as I swatted at the deer flies and grasped for the clothespins.  I was trying to beat the rain, but as I felt the first dollops hit my sweaty skin I changed my mind.

Instead of running, I stayed with it.
I stayed out until my clothes were soaked through.
I stayed out until my pants were so heavy with water I had to take them off.
I stayed out until I had to let the weight of my hair down.
I stayed out until I could feel a little bit of normal creep back into my bones.

I was baptized.

Mike worried that I would be hit by lightening and urged me to come in.  He looked so tiny standing on the porch flailing his arms, but when I waved my pants at him to let him know I was going to be a while I could tell he knew I needed the rain.  Like Big Fish, I was getting dried out.  He smiled and went back in, but I knew he was keeping a watchful eye on his wayward lamb and wouldn't rest until I was back with the flock. I couldn't help but love him for it.

Our house looked like a warm ember glowing in the purple darkness of the storm and I could see my family moving safety inside.  It throbbed with heat while I walked slowly in the sweet, cool rain.  And I was grateful and new again.

I finally came in and Mike greeted me with a towel and a deep hug.  As I walked up the stairs to our bedroom I felt, for the first time since moving here, that this was home.  Not a vacation or some temporary good place.  In a moment, I knew I was going to be ok and these walls were going to keep us safe on our journey.

I am growing into my own.  I get a fresh start here.  I care less about what people think and talk with everyone as though they are long lost friends.  I shake their hands and ask for their names and sincerely hope to run into them again.

I am a tangle slowly coming undone.

go gently + be wonderful

e.