Thursday, June 9, 2011

The rain came

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I ran out to the clothesline to rescue the dry clothes from the fast moving storm.  My hands moved clumsily as I swatted at the deer flies and grasped for the clothespins.  I was trying to beat the rain, but as I felt the first dollops hit my sweaty skin I changed my mind.

Instead of running, I stayed with it.
I stayed out until my clothes were soaked through.
I stayed out until my pants were so heavy with water I had to take them off.
I stayed out until I had to let the weight of my hair down.
I stayed out until I could feel a little bit of normal creep back into my bones.

I was baptized.

Mike worried that I would be hit by lightening and urged me to come in.  He looked so tiny standing on the porch flailing his arms, but when I waved my pants at him to let him know I was going to be a while I could tell he knew I needed the rain.  Like Big Fish, I was getting dried out.  He smiled and went back in, but I knew he was keeping a watchful eye on his wayward lamb and wouldn't rest until I was back with the flock. I couldn't help but love him for it.

Our house looked like a warm ember glowing in the purple darkness of the storm and I could see my family moving safety inside.  It throbbed with heat while I walked slowly in the sweet, cool rain.  And I was grateful and new again.

I finally came in and Mike greeted me with a towel and a deep hug.  As I walked up the stairs to our bedroom I felt, for the first time since moving here, that this was home.  Not a vacation or some temporary good place.  In a moment, I knew I was going to be ok and these walls were going to keep us safe on our journey.

I am growing into my own.  I get a fresh start here.  I care less about what people think and talk with everyone as though they are long lost friends.  I shake their hands and ask for their names and sincerely hope to run into them again.

I am a tangle slowly coming undone.

go gently + be wonderful

e.

13 comments:

  1. This is lovely and makes me happy. :)

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  2. We watched all day as the clouds built up; sent the walkers home from school early to beat the storm that never came. This is a beautiful piece of writing, as usual. A cathartic moment in your life as a homeowner.

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  3. erin you are such a lovely breath of rain fresh air.... love it! I was so hoping you'd blog this beautiful experience!
    xo
    mel
    www.needleandnestdesign.blogspot.com

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  4. You make me cry. In a good way. LOVE.

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  5. wonderful erin, wonderful <3

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  6. You are so amazing. Reading this made me so happy.
    I am so glad you write. Thank you for sharing this - your amazing ability to stop and truly connect with things is an inspiration to me. I went for a very short run recently, and was overcome with the urge to stop and lay on the grass and just look at the clouds, but I didn't stop, and I really wish I had. But next time, I will stop the momentum and just be.
    You are awesome.
    xo

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  7. I've had a moment like that recently, and I've played in the pouring rain and those memories just came flooding back and the sweet memories slid down my cheek until they reached my growing smile. Thank you.

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  8. As a SAHM of an extremely curious, energetic, non-napping, awesome 2.5 year old, your honest words and insights about Mothering mean the world to me. Keep writing Erin, we need you!

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  9. Hi there,
    I stumbled on your blog recently (can't even remember how now. One blog leads to another, you know how it goes), and I sincerely enjoy it. Your pictures are wonderful, and I love your writing style and topics. All in all I find inspiration from stopping by here, and I wanted to let you know I appreciate that! You, a perfect stranger, brighten my day.

    Jaralei

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  10. i am an infinite number of tangles, forever using conditioner and running my hands through them. it is a funny process. but thank god for conditioner.

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  11. mmmm...i love this post. i was waiting for the rain to come this weekend, knowing the storms ran through wisconsin, but they never came. i should be glad for the sunny days, and the outside time, but i know that feeling of renewal, baptism....i know my heart is thirsty.

    and i love that mike was there for you with a towel and a hug. love it.

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