And so I ran

::source::
I chose this image because I want to run with the same wonder and joy as a child would.
I want to channel the inner running child.

It was an anxious day riddled with a headache that wouldn't quit.  On more than one occasion I thought that a horrible headache would be a perfectly acceptable excuse to break my promise to myself.  Surely no one would judge me for that.  But I just couldn't do it again; I am so done with breaking promises to myself.  I dressed in my jogging clothes 4 hours before Mike's arrival home at which point I would, without hesitation, leash Soma and slip out the door before I could think of another reason not to.  

I played my spring anthem and walked at a swift pace until I reached the trail that runs along the water.  I took a deep breath, and promised to not be too hard on myself deciding that I wouldn't likely make it to green bridge {a place I was hard-pressed to reach in previous running attempts}.  And then I ran.  

Slow and steady.  I lost my breath and then found it again.  I remembered the waves and I rode them steadily.

I ran like I always do in my dreams and sailed past the green bridge.  I finally slowed to a walk at the iron trestle more because Soma and I became a little tangled and I talked myself into it.  At that point I realized that it is the self talk that makes or breaks a runner.  {Well, this runner anyway}

I continued to surprise myself and delighted in watching the ducks and red winged black birds.  I marveled at how the sunlight seemed to shatter and scatter across the water's surface.  I had to stop once and take out my ear phones to answer the moving lips and expectant stare of a stranger.  Perhaps I am too friendly?

The high from that single run lasted well into the night and I took secret pleasure in my aching muscles which seemed especially bruised around my c-section scars.  I felt like I was finally healing myself and taking back my body.  I am constantly amazed by the resiliency of a woman's body, by what can take us down, and by what can make us finally heal.  I was reminded of an interview with a ballerina I had heard on CBC Radio years ago.  She was asked how she found dancing after her return from maternity leave and her answer surprised me as I was in the heavy dull days of my first pregnancy.  She said her body was stronger and her endurance was even greater. I didn't believe her then, but I do now.  I have always strived to be fit {sometimes with success and sometimes without} but I have never been an athlete and by no stretch of the imagination was I ever a runner.

I looked forward to my Sunday morning run and talked myself over the waves and panicky moments in which I lost my breath and pace by reminding my body that if I could make two human beings and keep them alive with no sleepand breast milk alone, surely to God I could do this.  And so I did it.

And I will do it again tonight.

go gently + be wonderful

e.