I feel as though I am beating this subject to a pulp lately, but I must ask your advice and talk my way through it. When Poppy was born, we fell into a gentle rhythm or nursing and sleeping. It felt natural and rather effortless in almost every way. We co-slept. She weaned herself around 11 months. Her teeth came slowly as did her words and communication. A speech specialist at the Early Years Center said that it was likely that she didn't feel the need for words as all of her needs were being met. She would fight sleep with all her might, but once she was there she stayed there.
Our plans were to do the same with Silas. We co-sleep and nurse. He, however, is the opposite and falls into sleep rather effortlessly, but it is fragile and he wakes at the slightest movement or sound. He only nurses once or twice during the day and wakes nearly every one or two hours through the night. Despite singing, patting, shhhhing, swaying and rocking, the only thing that gets him back to sleep is five to ten minutes of nursing. We have tried laying him in a crib beside our bed and, if he doesn't wake when we place him in it, he sleeps no longer than when he is in our bed.
On top of this we have moved Poppy into her own room so she has been waking at least once or twice. Not upset, but saying "Where Mama?". I just lay with her until she goes back to sleep. She was in our bed until Silas was born at which time she transitioned to a toddler bed in our room. She has been sleeping through the night consistently for a long time now. Before we moved we were in a pretty decent routine of a 7 to 8pm bedtime for both of them with Poppy sleeping through the night and Silas waking his usual amounts. In the past, I have found that if Poppy naps during the day she is up, despite our best efforts, until as late as 10:30 or 11:00pm, but everything I read tells me she needs a nap.
Our days are chaos. Our bedtime routine consists of tears and frustration most of the time and usually ends with all of us flailing until we fall into a restless tangle of sleep. I don't know if it is their age, age difference, or just our own lack of structure, but we just can't seem to get our footing. Nothing at all is consistent.
Here, let me show you...
6:30am to 9:00am:
Silas wakes at the early end while Poppy wakes at the later end. This changes daily.
Diaper changes
Breakfast
Mama tidies the kitchen, washes her face and hair, brushes her teeth.
9:00 until 12:00pm:
Chaos including, but not limited to: diaper changes, snacking, baking, counting, reading, pretend play, painting, colouring, drawing, refereeing, biting, hitting, timeouts, cleaning, teeth brushing, Sesame Street, lunch preparations, Silas getting cranky until I put him in the Ergo to fall asleep...or not, letting the dog in, letting the dog out, rescuing chipmunks from the cat's jaws of death, Poppy asking for no less than 30 snacks {yogurt, apple, bagel and cheese, vitamins, juice, milk, water, cheese, pickles, cereal, etc.}, outdoor time which usually includes Silas cranking, and Poppy giving him dirt and rocks to eat until the bugs drive us inside for lunch.
*The new addition of a blow up pool has made outdoor time a little more successful. For Silas' birthday we plan on purchasing a large swing/slide/play structure and making a noise wall.
12:00 until 1:00pm:
Making lunch while Poppy demands more snacks and Silas whines.
Inhaling lunch and leaving the kitchen in a state to rush upstairs for quiet story / nap time which usually leaves one sleeping and one awake, both awake or, very rarely, both asleep.
1:00 until 4:00pm
Whoever is asleep, sleeps.
Whoever is awake does a repeat of the morning shit storm.
If they both sleep, I read, clean, nap, or make feeble attempts at organizing our lives.
4:00pm until 5:00pm:
Prepare supper between whining, biting, hitting, and timeouts until I put Sesame Street on.
5:00pm until 6:00pm
Eat and tidy kitchen while the kids undo nearly everything we do.
6:00 pm until 7:00pm
Family time which includes reading, tickling, pretend play, check the garden, grocery shopping, a drive into town, etc.
7:00pm until 8:00pm
Bath, snack, brush teeth
8:00pm until whenever:
Nurse or carry Silas to sleep
Wrestle Poppy to sleep
After that, Mike and I collapse into tired heaps and usually zone out to some online time rather than re-connecting until we turn out the lights, hold hands, mumble an apology for being short with one another and a heartfelt "I love you" and fall asleep.
Yeah. It leaves a lot to be desired.
If you care to do so, please leave a link or share what your average day looks like. Tell me, how do you get your kids to sleep through the night? How do you find the strength and time for yourself? How did you establish boundaries and structure? What obstacles did you encounter?
I understand that I can't expect too much with their young ages, but I am looking for things I can do to make our days flow a bit better for my own sanity. I have been examining my anger and have found its roots lie in powerlessness and lack of confidence in what I am doing. If I can empower myself with effective and kind discipline and routine, I think could be a more effective teacher and more patient mama.
Also of note:
- I don't want to nurse much past a year, but want to wean gently. I have been pregnant, breast feeding, or both for the past 3 years and that is enough for me.
- We have no problem with helping the kids get to sleep or with having them in our room and bed until they are ready to transition.
- have made efforts to meet some local families to play with {I put a sign up in the post office and got one reply so far...Hey, we'll try anything}
- There are benefits of not having too much routine. Our kids are pretty easily adaptable to new places and changes and remain good tempered where others may not do so well.
- That being said, I want a routine. I just don't know how to implement one without being ruthless.
- To be honest, I am not totally comfortable with having a mother's helper here nor am I comfortable leaving the kids with anyone other than a trusted adult. Call me crazy, but texting teens don't really instill a great deal of confidence in me.
go gently + be wonderful
e.
