a new decade

my thirties begin with a rainy day and a congested teething baby

she sleeps late because the day is gray and had a fitful sleep riddled with coughing

i neglect to make the bed and wear navy and denim

i put Poppy in a coral coloured corduroy dress

and tie my hair back with a green elastic

make my way downstairs to make myself a breakfast of jam filled crepes

we're out of sugar

so I settle for freezer-burnt eggos and drown them in Janet and Dad's maple syrup

a waste of good syrup

a mistake I won't make again

the kind birthday greetings are flooding in and i am touched in particular by a lovely email from my step-mom

I contemplate this decade and what it may hold

turning twenty is nothing

turning thirty is bigger, but by no means badder

it seems to hold some sort of potential and freedom within its landscape

a place where i can stop trying to like brown bread

stop feeling guilty for not making the bed

and take more from life

a place where i can embrace elegance and learn the power of femininity

i hear good things about the thirties

and i feel ready to leave behind the insecurities and mistakes of my twenties

carry only the good things forward

like smooth pebbles in my pockets and windowsills

like a fresh coat of paint or a happy new outfit

new beginnings are good

i hope to fill this decade with soft blues and linen

wisdom and tea

focus and family

skirts and making peace with this body

forgive myself for what i stumbled upon and failed at

be proud of what i have conquered and survived

stop fighting who i am and what i do

allow the freak flag to fly with abandon more often

think less

listen more

become softer and stronger

buy less

make more

but most of all

i will

go gently & be wonderful

e.