apples with honey

Spreading peanut butter on toast this morning, I listened to the quiet of the early morning and felt calm and grateful once again.  Glad to know I am not alone.  Empowered to know that I get to choose how I perceive it and then tackle it.

After yesterday's blog and an email exchange with my "Great Snail Mail" Exchange partner I feel refreshed and purged of venom and feeling sorry for myself.  Nothing has changed overnight.  I am still puffy and sluggish with pregnancy, but there is a shift in perspective I suppose.  I never forget that I am blessed in so many ways, it is just that my gratitude sometimes gets crowded out with the mundane and tiring things in life.

I am learning.

I hope I didn't come off as too harsh when speaking about the inspiring blogs we all know and love.  I find great inspiration within those blogs.  Sometimes it just makes me feel jealous and hopeless.  I also know that they are the ones enlightened enough to frame the brilliant and simple moments and that everything else will fall away in good time. 

Of course it is always better to focus on what we want more of, but I also have those days where I don't want to see the bright side.  I just need to wallow in it for a spell.  Get good and dirty.  Only then can I get up, dust myself off and carry on with more resolve than before.  It seems to be my rhythm.  My ebb and flow.

Last night we finally watched the documentary No Impact Man.  We really enjoyed it.  Movies like that always spark something in me.  The idea of letting go of so many conveniences looks liberating and awful all at once.  It brings me back to my own ideals and values and how far away we still are from living in such a way that matches our beliefs.


Things I would be willing to try or do:

• Cut out all conventional / non local meat (we are extremely blessed to get free organic beef and pork from my dad and step mom's farm 2 hours away)
• Seeking out a farmer offering raw milk (though it is not legal in Canada, there are some loopholes.  We could get such milk from my dad, but it would mean a 4 hour round trip each week)
• Buying local as often as possible
• Purchasing whatever we can at the bulk store and farmer's market
• Making and using fabric bags for use at the bulk store, farmer's market and grocery store
• Refusing to buy over-packaged foods to reduce both our trash and recycling output
• Having electricity free nights in which we could play games and talk by lantern light
• Buying nothing new (something we are already pretty good at)
• Growing and preserving as much of our own food as possible
• I would love to have a couple of laying hens, but will respect Mike's wishes to wait until we move out of town
• Cutting out winter use of our dryer (we already do so in the spring and summer months)
• Giving up television (we don't have cable, but we do watch online tv and movies a little more than we should / would like to)
• Getting back on the cloth diaper and wipe wagon (neither of us love this idea, but it is the right and economical thing to do.  We prefer the (expensive) bum genius AIOs, but maybe it is time to go back to basics and use the cheap and simple prefolds.  Two babies in diapers is detrimental to our budget and environment.  Our only local baby store closed its doors this spring as well.)

Things I would not be willing to try or do:

• Family Cloth is never likely to ever happen in this house
• Living in Ontario, I can't see us eating only local food all year round, but I would like to get better at planning and preserving our summer bounty to last through the very long winter months in order to reduce the amount of non-local, conventionally grown foods which have travelled far too far.
• Cutting out electricity

I think today will be filled with:

• meal planning keeping in mind that the zucchinis, cucumbers, green beans, and lettuce are growing madly in the garden and what we already have on hand
• being mindful of Poppy's every trick and quirk
• letting go of stressful expectations and letting each moment be what it is
• working on our "Life Chart" complete with goals and another five year plan

go gently & be wonderful

e.