itchy fingers...and toes

These sunny days are making me itchy for all things creative + beauty-filled.

go gently + be wonderful

e.

now is the time...

This winter has been long and lonely 

It has left me listless

A bit numb

+

A tad empty

In the past {almost} three years I have been either pregnant or nursing without reprieve.

Except for that one afternoon Mike and I left Poppy with "Dam" and" Baba" so we could go to our favourite Indian restaurant we have had zero breaks.

I love being a mama.

Why do I feel the constant need to defend that fact?

I would give my last breath to my children.  They have taken love to another level.

They take me to the edge and break me down yet they are still what make me gather my bones to center and rise again.

I love being a mama.  I do.

But in my love and whole-hearted parenting, I have managed to isolate myself completely and deny the girl inside me.  The girl who loves to dance and twirl her hips to bad dance music and wear pretty scarves and big earrings.

My sanity is hanging by a thread.

The last couple of weeks have been bad.

Teething, a wicked cold, and sleepless nights have moved through our house like a wicked wave.  

By the end of the day I am covered in dried snot and tripping over the bags under my eyes.

I am a zombie and yet I don't want to escape my children and responsibilities, but yearn to find a community to share the burdens and joys of being a woman, wife and mama.

I have been thinking a lot about the kind, strong, and inspiring people scattered throughout my life {both online and in the real world}and have been wanting to form a sort of circle by connecting them all together somehow.  I am having a hard time defining this so bear with me.

For the Local Folks:

Many of the women I am thinking of have small children, are, like us, planning on homeschooling and are in need of a non-judgmental playgroup for the children to get more socialization and group playtime.  We could meet at different kid friendly locations or homes for this.  This, of course wouldn't be limited to just homeschoolers, or just parents for that matter, but for anyone looking for a playgroup where the parents have a little more in common than just being a parent.

I also thought it would be great to do a workshop or structured activity together on a regular basis {perhaps one of Rae's many offerings}.  Other ideas include, but are not limited to drumming circles, mass preserving and baking bees, building bees, bonfires, potlucks, yoga, belly dancing, field trips, the list could go on

For the Online Folks:

Many of us are bloggers.  

I am at a bit of a loss as to how we would form a blog circle, but I am thinking it may be interesting to have a communal blog to which the group could post ideas, issues, thoughts and projects they are working on.

Ideas include, but are not limited to online workshops, tutorials, diptych pairings, photo/craft swaps, bartering systems etc.

I guess what I am saying is that I am trying to create a community of mamas, papas, men, women and children.  Artists, craftspeople, musicians, teachers and runners.  A group of 'salt of the earth' people to rally around those in need.  A group to celebrate with, find comfort in, listen to and learn from.

It feels a bit awkward to "start" a community as it is something I always felt should and would happen organically, but in a way it has in the form of a rather disorganized smattering of wonderful people sprouting up and into our lives for years now.

If you are interested in being a part of this or have ideas for structuring etc, please leave a comment or write to me at applesforpoppyanne@hotmail.com with "now is the time" in the subject line.

go gently + be wonderful

e.

well i'll be darned...

Would you look at that! I completed my first seamless hand knit garment. I began in the month leading up to Christmas and became confused (what with also teaching myself to quilt simulaneously) and had to rip {my heart} out. I was thoroughly annoyed, dropped it like it was hot, and ignored the wadded up ball of yarn for months {that'll teach 'em}.

Then, in the grey days of February my fingers became itchy and I tried again and suddenly everything became clear and I wondered how I ever struggled. Just last week I finished it with not even a single mistake! I did however make it the length as directed, but find it looks a little squat when not being worn though it looks fine on. Also I wasn't willing to put all my hard work in jeopardy by attempting the various cable knitting included in the pattern.

Next, I will make a yellow one a little smaller and perhaps a little longer.

I used the Milo vest pattern found here.



We have put an offer in on "our" cabin.  I thought doing this would add unecessary stress on us about selling this house, but it has given me an easy peaceful feeling.  I know now that we have done everything in our power to be where we want to be and the rest is up to the Universe.

Lots of things need to fall into place; the biggest thing being selling this house for the price we need.  We could be bumped for a better offer.  They could refuse our offer.  We could go months without selling this place.  We have had a good amount of interest, a few 'almost offers', and lots of good feedback, but we are still waiting.

It is tough being in limbo like this especially as spring fever creeps in and I yearn to fluff my nest.  The Law of Attraction tells us to live as though we already have what we want.  It's tough when you want chickens, woods to roam through, and privacy and can't logically have any of that without moving.  That being said, I have decided to shift my thinking and do what I can in the now while putting my trust in the hands of the all-knowing Universe.

"Now is the time to live your ideal life."

go gently + be wonderful

e.

It started with a song...

::source::

“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common. this is my symphony."


~w.e. channing

It all started with a song.

Then I saw the above picture.

Then I started catching up on this blog.

Then I read this article.

I have decided I need a makeover.
On so many levels.
I realized that I have never quite felt comfortable in my own skin.  I remember feeling like a boob while my friend and I had clients not show up when we were in dental hygiene school (yeah).  We were sent out into the halls in our over sized lab coats, ugly white shoes and unflattering scrubs to troll for people wanting their teeth cleaned.  We both wanted to die as we entered a foyer filled with students.  My friend stopped to chat with a girl he knew and she ended up giving us a piece of advice that I have carried with me ever since.  A most unexpected sage.  She told us in a rather valley girl voice that we needed to 'pop our collars and own it'.  Not what you expected right?  Not exactly poetry, but I have found myself saying this under my breath whenever I feel uncomfortable in my own skin or a little inadequate. Something about it makes me shake off the demons and stand tall.

When you aren't comfortable in your own skin, you give a lot of power up even when no one asks for you to do so.  You over-compensate and apologize too much.  You're afraid to reach out for fear that you may not live up to every one's expectations.  You feel unoriginal and unworthy.  You need constant external validation.

I want things that a lot of people don't want and place value where others may not.  I am only thirty, but am channeling my "inner gramma" with each passing day.  Oh to sit beneath a tree with my loves listening to crickets sing.  I have always been an animal person.  I would sit for hours in the hay loft with the latest litter of kittens or puppies.  I dream of waking up knowing the outdoor animals are calling us out despite the wind or heat.  To spend the day in the hot sun weeding and tending and to become once again entwined with the natural rhythms of the earth and her creatures.  I come from a long line of farmers and though I don't have plans to be a full tilt farmer, my heart aches to have a house, some land, and some animals to tend to with my husband and children.  I have such a strong desire to keep the traditional arts of spinning and sewing and being self-sustained.  To rest tired bones after an honest day's work with dirt stained hands and sun kissed shoulders.

I think this makeover will include some skirts and vintage dresses
 and wearing pretty aprons for the sheer frivolity of it
and growing my hair long for the wind to braid and weave


Yeah, but I'm working on popping my collar and owning it.

I am working on being unapologetically me.
And everyone who thinks we are crazy for wanting what we want can come drink tea under the stars with us and watch the chickens and rabbits dance in the lush green grass.


go gently + be wonderful

e.

spring anthem

Every year, in the twilight of winter a song finds me.

A song that

strikes a chord

moves me gently from the rut I have worn myself into over the long, hollow months of winter.

A song that makes my legs ache to run; my hips to dance.

lay it all out on the line.

streamline

grow my hair long

speed up

slow down
shake out the cobwebs

trust

make some skirts

play

drop the armour

grab hold

let go

pare down

see it all as a daring adventure

and nothing short of a miracle

+

"...Leave all my loving, my loving behind..."

Yeah.

Music is a powerful thing when it is right and good.

"Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father

Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers

Leave all your loving, your loving behind

You cant carry it with you if you want to survive" 

Previous years of spring anthems include:

A few years ago it was Yael Naim

After that it was City and Colour

Last year it was Yeasayer