finding balance

wearing gramma's shoes

Wearing blue and grey to match this liquid, navy day. 
I am still stumbling around in motherhood.
Trying to find our rhythm.
I just can't seem to get my footing with this transition.
Whoever told me the transition from one to two was much easier than zero to one had it all wrong.
How does one person give both a nineteen month old and a six week old everything they need without always letting the other down?
When is there time to be a woman and lover?

potty poppy

When I lay between two softly scented babes and kiss their tiny fingers, every frustration melts away and I promise myself I will be better tomorrow.  I am always the last to fall into sleep's lap and have been moved to tears when I look at my slumbering loves.

I recently watched a video {though I can't remember who the speaker was or even where I found it} in which motherhood was compared to that of watching grass grow.  Everyday seems much like the one before it, but big things are happening in front of and because of us.  We lay in bed wondering what the hell we accomplished that day to make us so tired, but can barely name a few things.  We're maintaining and for our husbands/partners to come home to a house that is still standing is nothing short of a miracle.

silas sleeping despite the Thanksgiving noise

So that is where I am at; survival and maintenance.  There is still no other job I would rather be doing; I have never felt such a complete and utter joy as when I look at my children and husband.  Yet when we give everything to those we love, it can become an excuse to stop looking at and giving to ourselves. 

you wouldthink he sleeps a lot by these photos wouldn't you?

So here I am seeking balance and rhythm on the other side of pregnancy, licking my battle wounds and wondering who I am.  I have thirty five pounds to lose.  Scars and stretchmarks are my badges of honour.  I barely recognize the chubby girl in the mirror.  I am trying to figure out what I must let go of and what I must cling to. 

My days are lacking structure and I don't know how to incorporate it yet.  I have ordered this book in hopes of finding writing inspiration and recording these precious days and years to come; this book in hopes of finding balance in our days; and this book in hopes of finding fun activities for Poppy as the cold months move in upon us. I am also looking into some of the guides offered at Little Acorn Learning on adding celebration and routine to each day.

Yoga, jogging, baking, knitting, and writing are the things calling to me of late, but if I had to pick just two to carve time out for it would be jogging and writing.  That and a quiet, candlelit evening spent with Mike while sipping amaretto.

go gently & be wonderful

e.